The Many Me's

Many Me's

I feel as if I am constantly being pulled at in two different directions..
It's almost like my mind is divided and the two sides are at a never ending war..
...Always pushing and shoving at one another..
...Desperately trying to reach the surface..
And the moment one finally does, the other immediately pulls it back under..
During this struggle to be heard i just sit, emotionless..
It is impossible even for me to determine what I am feeling at that point..
And then within seconds I become angry, furious actually..
All that i want to do it scream and hurt those around me..
My heart begins pounding wildly..
It is almost impossible to control myself..
These feelings can sometimes last for day at a time..
Then, just as quickly as it came, my anger fades away..
I sink back into nothing..
An empty soul..
Soon comes a new feeling..
A warm sensation of happiness without cause..
I feel a great sense of pride and develop the urge to be a better person..
Throughout my entire body all that I feel is joy and it is simply amazing..
As soon as I start to think that things are perfect...I hit rock bottom..
I feel tons of self pity and sorrow..
All that I want out of my pathetic life are my knife and a side order of drugs to help ease the pain..
My mind gets so deeply tangled that I don't even know who the "real me" is anymore..
I sit and try to figure myself out and become so incredibly confused that I don't even remember if I gave up yet or not..
I must resort to writing ongoing poems about nothing to sort things out..
As I write I drift to sleep and wonder who I will be tomorrow....

-BigPapaIsSoCool, "The Many Me's" (2004)